Even though controlling relationships are almost universally considered to be negative and very undesirable, they are far more prevalant than people realize. They are primarily the by-product of children being raised in homes with one or more controlling parents, and/or a highly unstable environment due to negative events.

The person who is trying to do the controlling is almost always trying to compensate for the “out of control” nature of the environment they grew up in. Internal fears of life spiralling out of control plague people with regular control problems. Their context for life was set in childhood and they often continue living out of that paradigm even though it’s no longer relevant.

The unstable home environment could have been a result of an alcoholic parent(s), an absent workaholic parent(s), the breakdown of the marriage, or some form of physical or emotional abuse. If a parent withholds love and affection as a means of keeping the child under their thumb, this destructive behaviour can carry over into adult relationships and cause a lot of problems.

The person who chooses to marry or date the controller is doing so because of one or a combination of the following reasons. 1. This is what they grew up with and it’s what they’re accustomed to. Although it’s not pleasant, being controlled is strangely comfortable. 2. They are attempting to change the controller, to reform them. This is often done unknowingly. The unconcious intention is to try and repair a disappointing relationship they had with their parent(s). 3. Being in a relationship with a controller makes them look good, because when they measure their own behaviour against the controller’s, they look like their doing a pretty good job of running their life, even though they’re probably not. 4. As times life seems easier while in a relationship with a controller because the controller makes most if not all the decisions for both people. It gives them someone to blame when things don’t work out right because…they didn’t make the decision!?!?

There are a few things to consider if you are looking to steer clear of a controlling relationship.

1. If being controlled is what you are used to, what you grew up with, then it’s vital to realize that “you are not responsible for the environment you grew up in.” In dysfunctional homes, the children tend to take responsibility for the parent’s problematic behaviours. In controlling homes it’s common for the parent(s) to blame the child as a means of off loading responsibility and thus paralyzing the child. In order to drive it deep into your subconcious mind, I suggest you repeat that phrase over and over. “The environment you grew up in was not your responsibility, not your doing.” As importantly, “you are 100% response-able, able to respond, to your life as an adult.” You can learn the skills and run your life well without the need to have a controlling person manipulating you.

2. If it’s your intention to try and reform a controller….please stop. Trying to control something you have no control over is the best possible way to create insanity in an individual. The only control any of us have is over ourselves. We can gain tremendous increases in our sense of control over our own lives if we will spend our time working on our own hangups and misgivings. Efforts to correct a controlling person are really only futile attempts to control them.

3. As an attempt to cover up your lack of personal initiative, don’t hide behind a controlling person’s unhealthy actions to make yourself look good. Find a reason for living that brings joy to you and others. Do some research into your life purpose. Why are you here? We’ve most likely never met, you and I, yet I am quite sure you have abilities and gifts that can be used to make the world a better place to live.

4. Learn how to make decisions for yourself. Being in a relationship with a controlling person can be pretty terrific because they are more than happy to make most if not all the decisions. That seems to make things easy, except that you aren’t developing the habit of making good decisions. This step is primarily about your will and rarely about skill. “But I don’t know how!” you protest. You will learn. Bit by bit, day by day. The process of learning to make better choices is the same as learning any new skill, it gets better and better with more practice. Practice does not make perfect, but it sure makes life a lot more pleasant!

If you have found yourself in a Scorpio relationship you better be prepared to be brave. Dont get me wrong, Scorpios are very loyal and can make wonderful companions, but in the heat of things when times might be tough you may end up being the one who gets fiercely stung.

Scorpios love to be the one controlling their environment and are the take charge kind
of person in any relationship. So you have to be tough and not give in on everything they want. You must understand a Scorpio’s nature and then you will know why they seem to want to take the lead with everything that is going on.

This does not mean you cant feel the need to ever take charge of anything. You will need to bravely express yourself when you want to do so. In this way you will actually win your Scorpio’s admiration, because aside from being natural leaders themselves, they also love it when someone else shows moxie and drive. Scorpios may want to take over everything but they lack determination and toughness many times. Show that and you can get on their good side.

Scorpios are attracted to a challenge, so it is wise for you to play hard to get sometimes. Just dont go overboard as they may eventually think you are not interested in them, and that would be a turnoff for them.

You dont want to heat things up too much in a relationship with a Scorpio, but you do want to keep it interesting enough to keep them excited. Assert yourself at times but not overly so. Scorpios are not necessarily aggressive so they like to win people over by diplomatic means more often. If you are too resistant to them too often, it will cause an argumentative relationship.

On a positive side Scorpios are usually generous partners and good loyal companions. They may even be slow to temper. But this sign of the sun person will get madly temperamental if pushed too long. It will not be a pretty sight when a Scorpio finally does get angry. They may seethe beneath their skin for a long time.

Some, but not many, Scorpios are of the forgiving type. This means if you mess up your relationship with them they most likely will hold a grudge for along time, if not forever. After a breakup if you were to talk to them again they usually will bring up all the wrong things you did that ended the relationship. You will feel like the entire breakup was your fault. Scorpios usually find it hard to forget and forgive.

One frustrating Scorpio tendency that you may encounter is this. They may be stomping around angry and you may have no clue what is wrong. When you ask what the problem is they may respond, “Can’t you figure it out?” This is just them assuming you know what has been on their mind.

If you have broken up with a Scorpio but manage to win him or her back you should keep in mind their personality. A Scorpio will assume you should be able to read their thoughts in every situation. Keep that in mind, and all the things in this article, when dealing with them if you want the relationship to work.

The only way to make things easier in this relationship situation is to let your Scorpio partner know that they need to communicate better when something is on their mind. Let them know you are not a mind reader. On your part you will have to be a very good listener and observer. You’ll need the ability to second-guess potential problems. If your Scorpio is not willing to work with you in your relationship it will be hard to get it to work out in the long run.

Try evaluating your own relationship. Can you identify a balance of 50-50 give and take in the relationship? If you can’t, you should start making the unavoidable changes in order to save your relationship. Take the first step by learning how to maintain your relationship with a balance of give and take.

First, let me tell you the truth. It is impossible to say whether your partnership is definitively equal because it is all about your perception. As such, to succeed in saving your relationship, you need to be objective.

You need to be able to gauge objectively how much love your partner and yourself is putting in to maintain the relationship.

Money foregone can be use to measure sacrifice towards a relationship but it is not a correct and useful gauge. In fact, it is a dangerous form of measurement. One should avoid using money to measure love.

Likewise the really important rewards of being in a relationship can only be assessed by the individuals concerned.

Couples will feel loved from the relationship when there is a balance of give and take. There are no considerations about why your partner is giving you less attention than you have given him/her.

There will be resentment in a relationship if there is a large imbalance of give and take. You will begin to feel that your contribution is not recognized and appreciated by your partner.

Usually, most relationships started out with the imbalance of sacrifice and couples who are unaware will only find out about the problem when the sacrificing partner decides to leave.

There are people who are more likely to sacrifice than others and also people who only think about themselves. Thus, never let your relationship be in such situation.

There are times when couples have to make sacrifices in terms of hobbies, interests and emotional ties so as to build a lasting relationship. All of us will give up other relationships toward the one and only special one. Both partners have to work to find ways to relate to one another and grow within that relationship.

Setting aside some time to reflect the daily actions done by your partner and show appreciation can assist to strike a balance of give and take. If you are the giving party, communicate to your partner on your feelings so that he/she will understand and start to appreciate what you have done.

Do you think you are a give or taker? Do you think your partner is a person who take or give more? If you think that you are the one who is always giving to your partner and you feel that you should be treated better, you can save the relationship by bringing up this basic principle to your partner.