The Relationship Compass – Should You Be Headed Into or Out of Your Relationship
The only investors staying the course are those with a broken compass.”
— from an ad for BNY Mellon
When I saw this ad it immediately made me think about people who enter and/or stay in unhealthy, unhappy relationships. Some people seem to have a broken Relationship Compass. They enter relationships with people they shouldn’t be with or they stay in relationships they shouldn’t stay in. Let’s look at some of the reasons this happens.
The family that you grew up in might have set a model for relationships that isn’t a good model. It could be a family where there was violence, hostility, intimidation, alcoholism, etc. If this is what you grew up with, then this is what you might consider “normal” or inevitable. If that’s the case, then you could tolerate, accept, or expect such unhealthy things to exist in your own relationships.
The culture that you grew up in could have taught you to expect or tolerate things that shouldn’t exist in a healthy relationship — like sexism, alcoholism, violence, etc. In this case, even if you recognize what’s wrong, you may consider those things the “natural” or inevitable components of relationships.
The family or culture that you grew up in might have told you that leaving relationships is unacceptable, intolerable, unforgivable, or immoral. In this case, even if you figure out that the relationship is a bad place to be, you may believe that you must not or cannot leave it.
Cultures in which obedience or submission are values, particularly in women, give the intentional message that the vows are unconditional, and that there is no justification ever for terminating them, since decision-making isn’t within your power.
Cultures or religions in which the vows are considered unconditional compacts make it clear that terminating a relationship is unacceptable without exception. This can be a moral or religious issue where there is never a justification for “breaking a solemn promise”.
Families sometimes say, explicitly, things like, “You made your bed; now lie in it.” In this case the belief is that choices are irrevocable and that mistakes are uncorrectable. There is even a message, explicit or implicit, that you should be punished for having made a mistake.
There could be compelling reasons to stay even if you feel it’s an unhealthy place to be.
If you believe (accurately or erroneously) that you can’t support yourself or your children if you leave a bad relationship, you may feel you must stay. This consideration sometimes trumps any consideration for the toxic quality for you or your children of remaining permanently in an unhealthy situation.
If you fear retribution if you even attempt to leave, then staying may feel safer than leaving. Even with the increasing availability of sanctuaries for people who leave abusive situations, not everyone is convinced that safety can be ensured if they leave.
If you fear that you will be rejected by extended family, friends, or society if you leave, you may stay because you fear ostracism from your support system. It can feel safer, and even more comfortable, to remain in an unhealthy situation and retain your social network than it would be to leave and be isolated socially.
Sometimes people believe that the natural course of relationships involves phases during which the relationship is not good or positive and that this is just the way it is, either temporarily or as a permanent evolution of the relationship.
If this is a temporary situation AND it is addressed by one or both partners, that’s not necessarily troublesome or a reason to consider exiting the relationship.
If it’s been an increasingly negative trajectory, this should not be assumed to be the natural course of relationships. Healthy relationships get BETTER over time, not worse. As partners mature and as they increasingly learn how to be better partners, healthy relationships grow stronger, more positive, and more loving. (Sometimes that’s because there was in fact a rough patch that they navigated in healthy and growthful ways.)
Serious relationships deserve serious consideration and substantial effort before they’re terminated. I am not advocating precipitous action to terminate a relationship because there’s a rocky moment or even problematic behavior or interaction.
I am suggesting that for some people, because of history, training, or personality, or because of fear, loyalty, or unreasoning hope, sometimes the Relationship Compass points IN when it should, more self-respectfully, point OUT.
Dating A Pothead – Marijuana And Relationships
Dating or living with a marijuana addict can be overwhelming. Marijuana addiction will produce turmoil in relationships whether they be with relations, friends or spouses. Folks who smoke pot, tend to hold around with alternative individuals who smoke pot.
This permits the pot user to not feel guilty regarding the amount that they’re smoking. Problems arise in a very relationship when there are different expectations concerning marijuana use, our different levels of use. If you’re sober, hanging out with the one who may be a high constantly isn’t a pleasant experience.
Marijuana addiction forms gradually and gets worse as time goes by. This is often why some people aren’t even aware they have problem. Most potheads will be able to operate well enough in life to get by, however could not remember of how weed is holding them back. They’ll not realize the result that marijuana has had on life, till they take a significant break and are sober for a amount of time.
It is necessary to remember that marijuana is a psychological addiction and that the person you care concerning is captivated with the mental state of being high, and compulsively want to be stoned. This is why they get moody, restless, anxious once they are unable to smoke.
There are two things here. The first scenario is where the marijuana addict is tuned in to their downside and wants to quit, but hasn’t been in a position to. The positive factor concerning the first situation is that you’re able to brazenly speak about the problem and offer support toward the common goal of quitting. The second state of affairs is where the marijuana addict does not wish to admit that they need a drawback or simply a belief that they have a drawback with weed. They may say that people love we tend to, and there is no way that they want to quit. During this case, the road to recovery is abundant rockier.
When you opt to talk to the person concerning their marijuana use, don’t accuse them. Rather, you should explained to them have their marijuana use is affecting you and your relationship with them. You should highlight the positive aspects of quitting marijuana instead of the negative effects you think the drug is having on this persons life. Anyone will learn to prevent smoking marijuana. If you have got a downside with marijuana, or apprehend someone that does and need to assist them, I wish you the most effective of luck. You can make a difference.
Toxic Thoughts Can Ruin A Perfectly Good Relationship
If you tend to have anxiety over little things that turn out to be nothing in the end then you may dealing with a lot of little toxic thoughts that could potentially ruin your relationship.
Toxic thoughts are irrational thoughts that spill over into your imagination and become untrue stories in your head that you eventually start to believe. The initial thought is enough to have you concoct a wild story in your head that has the potential to cause fights and rifts in the relationship.
Examples of those initial toxic thoughts are:
– Is she cheating on me with that guy?
– Why did he really come home late?
– Why didnt she say I love you today?
– Why did he give me that look?
– Shes going to leave me because I said no!
These random thoughts with no real substance behind them come from negative past experiences, low self-esteem, and negative issues that havent been resolved.
Once they take seed into your imagination you can literally start to feel out of control, so you try to prove that you are right by finding evidence or gathering more visual clues from your partner that really doesnt have any merit or substance to it, but helps your case in your mind.
For example if your partner works late one night and you wonder whether they were really at someones house then you may start to question why they took a shower when they got home or why they went straight to bed when they got home or any number of things that might point to them being at someone elses house. Of course they probably took a shower to get clean and went to bed from exhaustion but your mind has already begun its own story that doesnt accept those real answers as truth.
The problem is that you can keep on trying to convince yourself you are right when there is nothing really to prove right! This can cause you to act irrational and do and say things that are uncalled for, and that can lead to fights and over time breakup or divorce.
So if you are prone to toxic and irrational thoughts then your mission should be to get rid of the toxic thoughts and instead trust in your partner and what they say and do, unless they give you a real sign that theres something to not trust. Toxic thoughts are a waste of time, make you feel bad, and use up time in your life that could be better spent.
Removing these thoughts can take practice though. Especially if you are always on guard and ready for a disaster in your relationship. You need to start by replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones. Your thoughts directly affect your feelings so if you want to feel as though you trust your partner you have to think as though you trust your partner.
Just being aware that your thoughts are toxic and irrational will help you to get rid of them. When you recognize that a thought is toxic dont try to fight it. Instead replace it with a more appropriate and positive thought.
For instance, when your partner comes home late from work and tells you they had to work late your mind may start to wonder where they really were. Instead of allowing your imagination to continue picturing where you think they were, try picturing them at work and think about the hard work that they put in for the day. This will allow you to see them at work instead of someones house and will help you feel better about the situation.
Replacing your toxic thoughts with more appropriate and positive thoughts will start you off in getting rid of those toxic thoughts for good. After that you should work on your self-esteem and confidence level by reading self-help books or talking to a therapist. The only way you can change the way you think is to take action and learn new ways to think. Your self-confidence and self-esteem will improve dramatically with each new belief you acquire.
Whatever action you decide to take, do not allow yourself to continue living with toxic thoughts about your relationship. True happiness in a relationship comes from trust and living in the moment. Allow yourself to see your relationship for what it really is at all times and work on issues as they arise, but do not make up issues in your mind because you will, in the end, create exactly what you are trying to avoid.
[Top]Get Your Girlfriend Back Fast – Why You Cannot Convince Her To Come Back To You
I want you to think about something for a minute here. I want you to really think about how much it hurts to know that you and your girlfriend have broken up. Think about what it will feel like when you hear it through the grapevine that she is now dating someone else. Do you want to just let this happen, or are you READY to do something about it so that you DO get her back?
When a relationship ends, men come up with one idea and they usually stick to it. And it is the WRONG idea. That idea is, they try to convince their ex girlfriend to take them back. Whether it is through writing a letter, trying to get her to talk on the phone or through text messages, most guys will try to go the route of using logic to convince their ex girlfriend on why she should take them back.
And you know what?
It almost NEVER works. I would be pleasantly surprised if it even worked 10 percent of the time. You need a better strategy, and you need to really know WHY it is that you cannot convince your ex girlfriend to take you back through LOGICAL reasoning.
FEMALE ATTRACTION IS EMOTIONAL…
If you try to speak “logic” to your ex girlfriend, it is kind of like trying to speak Spanish to someone that only understands Russian. There is no common ground there, really. See, women, they way that they are attracted to a man, is almost all about emotions. And men, they try to repair a relationship through logic.
Do you SEE the disconnection there?
When you are trying to convince a woman to take you back, the message is falling on deaf ears. She is not feeling what you are saying, and the more and more that you talk to her and try and make her take you back, the stronger that disconnection becomes. And it will ultimately lead to her NEVER coming back to YOU.
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO TO GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND BACK?
You need to know how to trigger the right emotions in your ex girlfriend. You need to know how to use the female psychology of attraction to make it become YOUR best friend, and make her start to FEEL a certain way when she thinks of YOU. This is how you are going to plant the seed of desire and make her WANT to get back with you.
[Top]Tips To Fix A Broken Relationship – Build Trust In A Relationship And Get Your Ex Back
If you really want to get back together with your ex, you need to figure out what it is that went wrong in your relationship. The 5 tips to fix a broken relationship will help you change those things and open to re-establishing things again.
Bad things happen, but there are resolutions and not every break up means the permanent end to the relationship. Before fixing a broken relationship you need to change your attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. Among the 5 tips to fix a broken relationship are:-
Find Out the Main Problem in your Relationship
Firstly, you must find out if your ex bored in the relationship with you and if she/he is looking for more space? Find out the reason and decide a way to change things. You need show your ex that you are the right person that she or he wants in life forever.
Show Yourself in Demand
In order to fix a broken relationship, you should show your ex that you are in demand. You must show to her that you are moving on and you are satisfied with life rather than thinking and begging her to come back to you. This will show your ex that you can be mature and happy, and it may just remind them how much they need and wants you.
Show You Can Live Without Your Ex
Let your ex start thinking how much they want to be with you. You can bring this feeling to them by going out and have some fun with your friends and show to your ex that you can live without them. You need to shift the power and psychologically use the right feelings and emotions.
Doing The Right Things
Most of relationship ended due to the lack of trust between both partners because they don’t realize that to gain trust in relationship, the partners should not only talk the right things but start doing them. Yes, which means apply the action plan, for each small promise rather than forget them after saying.
When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.
Learn to Apologize Your Ex
Learning to apologize your ex is one of the most important tips to fix a broken relationship. You must accept to apologize your ex more than once over time and treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course. If you want to stay with your ex, then you need to be patient with her/him.
Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions. But it is possible to heal the divide and create a stronger relationship as a result.
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